I know my title sounds a bit trite, but I am staring down a LOT of new beginnings right now. Pete and I have begun looking for places to rent. We're checking out houses that we mostly know we don't want just so we can get a feel for the neighborhoods. We're not ready to move until we get a few more things worked out, so the places that are available right now aren't actually the ones we could apply for anyway. But our town is filled with a lot of the same few models for single-family homes, so it's worh knowing that we DO like the Hibiscus II model, but NOT the Matheson model. Even if one isn't open right now.
And the neighborhoods here are wonky. You could be driving down one street looking at mansions with big walls, and gates, and lots of balconies that just make you assume this is the house that hosts Operah's book club. Then you take a side street from there and you think, "There are more teeth in this car than there are on this street!" So we need to look around. Also, I think the more I look, the more I like the townhouses here. A lot of them have fun layouts, and I sort of like the idea of the bedrooms being upstairs, rather than off of the main living space. So we'll see, you know?
Lucian starts school this coming Monday. I can't wait! Not at all in the way I'm supposed to, though. I can't wait, because the wondering will be over. It's like the difference between slowly climbing in to a pool in winter and jumping in. While you're climbing in, you have time to think about how awful it's going to be once you're submerged. But if you jump in, you just have to figure out how to deal with the suck. I'm sure that it will suck. I know every kid (except for home-schoolers, I guess) goes to school. Some like it, some don't. But either way, I lose my little boy. He's going to have friends that I didn't make for him. He's going to have to use what I've taught him to make good decisions. He's going to have to be responsible, and motivated, and honest, and and and... And I'm terrified.
Is this normal? I should probably seek proffessional help, but who has the time?
I feel like I'm embarking on a journey. I hope that it leads to happiness, and contentment. But I fear it's going to lead to the assylum.
2010 has a lot expected of it. I hope it can meet my desires.